It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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