Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
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Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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