Got a toothbrush?
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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