just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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