you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
