The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
