I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
