i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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