if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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