i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
