New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
