I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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