The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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