In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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