I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
love makes seman taste better
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
