I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
