There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
