he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
