tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
