If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
