omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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