That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
