SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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