My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
