I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
