I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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