If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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