I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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