On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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