We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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