just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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