Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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