i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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