Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
