Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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