I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
