a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
