I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My ATM looks so different sober.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
