We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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