if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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