I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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