Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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