When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
