Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
