but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
