Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
