Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
