i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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