hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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