my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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