Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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