she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
