You can't special order awesome
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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