Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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