remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
