At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
