The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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