Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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