On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Holy sore nipples Batman
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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