you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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