I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
