someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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