Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
