That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
