Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
how does that bad decision feel?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
