FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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