Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
