I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
