dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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