you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
