The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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