you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
