your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
