have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
