jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
