Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
